The ‘If I hear someone else bloody sing “I’m on a boat” again I’ll scream’ Review

Drunken ramblings of the Lonely Island’s “I’m on a boat” and young middle-class gentleman in dinner suits relentlessly shouting at bystanders whenever we went under a bridge? Yes. It must be another student boat party.

But this wasn’t just any standardised yuppy party on the Thames. This was the 2012 IH boat party. Featuring residents who ventured out of the C-wing for their first ever IH party, some random friends of friends...and I think someone brought their mum.

Hailed as the ‘biggest party of the year’ (because we had to pay?), with IH’s ugly underground market emerging to panhandle tickets before we boarded, it is safe to say that everyone enjoyed being trapped on a boat, with Ilya, for 4 solid hours. To paraphrase Ilya’s philosophy of wooing women, “there was no escape”.

First, the downsides. It would appear that only a geography student who graduated from King’s would pick such a dodgy location to board a boat. Part of the fun was actually trying to get there – from people casually walking for an hour from IH (Why would you do that to yourselves?) to those who could afford the £2.50 luxury of a getting a cab, everyone had fun orienteering around London in their fine evening wear.

Being trapped on a boat for 4 hours with your fellow residents is always fun, but when you can’t even afford the social lubrication of alcohol to make the canteen guy’s dance moves tolerable, the bar prices were a little higher than expected during normal IH parties. £8 for a double or £100 for the cheapest bottle of champagne. Just because we briefly sailed past Chelsea doesn’t mean you have to start fiscally acting like it.

Now, the good points. As I overheard, it was “just the same people we see all the time, but for once we all look 10 times better”. Truly heartfelt words, but in a sense, it was really nice to see fellow residents looking their swarvest. Highlights include Lauren Sutherland’s short...tight...sparkly dress for the boys, and the canteen guy appearing in everyone’s photos for the girls... that’s right ladies, he has the power to give you more chips.

The views from the boat covered everything between the Thames Barriers to Battersea Park, with the favourites being the obvious tourist clichés and the beautiful, breath-taking architecture of King’s College London’s student union.  

With the ever watchful eye of a stern-looking security guard around every corner, the boat party ran completely smoothly. A little bit too smoothly for an IH party in fact...until an ambulance was called because someone fell over whilst waiting for a taxi at the end. A big thanks goes to the IH club for sorting all this out, the onboard security guards for not having any sense of humour whatsoever, and that really drunken northern guy who kept grinding on everyone.

 - Hemish Goodeal

And here, some of the best pictures: A special thank you to Saloni Miglani and Charlie Ogilvie!

EDIT: If you can't see the pictures properly, click here for the online album: http://s1076.photobucket.com/albums/w458/IHTimesEditor/